WORKING ‘ON’ MY Ministry IN GOD’S BUSINESS

Biblical Conflict Resolution

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Our ministry in the marketplace happens through our many relationships with

employees, customers, suppliers, and competitors. Our highest hope is to earn the

right to share the eternal difference that having Christ as our Lord and Savior makes in

our lives and work. We hope to “let our light shine” through an unshakeable love, joy,

and peace that’s anchored in Jesus and enables us to serve others well. Nothing else

we do in relating to our stakeholders is of greater value to them or us.

Attaining such a distinctive culture requires a unified team under leadership devoted to

excellence, shared purpose, and timeless Biblical values. In this setting, Christ-centered

conversations easily surface when customers consider how well they’re being served.

We want their experiences with our company to be a ‘taste’ of the Kingdom where

they experience an infectious sense of purpose, joy, and perseverance in doing what’s

right. They may even gain a sense of the peace or ‘shalom’ that’s evident when people

flourish by living ‘one life’ and operating in unity in a safe, supportive environment that

doesn’t ‘settle’ for unreconciled conflict. Blessing and wholeness flow in a setting that

promotes living in an honest, open, and caring manner with all, while equipping team

members to confront issues in a healthy way… based on facts and Biblical principles.

This enables us to lead according to Paul’s advice: “If it is possible, as far as it depends

on you, live at peace with everyone” (Ro 12:18).

Today’s Typical Workplace ‘Reality’

Unfortunately, for many, the workplace is a very stressful place to spend most of their

waking hours. Even non-believers quickly perceive the difference between a healthy

working environment and a toxic one that wears them down and puts them on edge.

Dysfunctional leadership and hopelessly frustrating workplaces are now standard

themes on television and in movies. Yet Bible-believing Christians know there’s a

terrible cost to ‘marinating’ in an environment where conflict, tension, and distrust

predominate. Bringing home our sense of frustration, anger, or resignation has a great

cost to our families. As followers of Christ, we know we’re to live differently. Christian

business owners and CEOs are called to be Christ’s stewards and ambassadors by

providing a workplace that helps our team to form healthy habits, shares Christ’s love,

and gives stakeholders a small taste of the Kingdom. This is among the most effective

ways to begin sharing the Gospel.

Unfortunately, most small-to-midsized companies simply hope to hire capable people

and ‘take’ their best contributions without investing much in them. But when our

people struggle, our companies suffer. Christ’s witness to a hurting world is hindered

when cynical employees roll their eyes at the company’s latest ‘top priority.’ Teamwork,

‘can-do’ planning, and reliable execution are all hampered by broken relationships,

distrust, and ‘irreconcilable differences’ in the workplace. Accordingly, the typical

workplace is ‘miles apart’ from a unified, high-performance, team-based culture. This

is evidenced by the 33-50% improvements in productivity and 10-fold reductions

in quality problems that lean consultants report within a few years with committed

clients. According to recent workplace research:

• 53% of workers lose work time and 22% expend less effort due to conflict.

• 66% of absences are due to personal/family problems (not illness) and 87% of employees will work harder for a firm that helps them deal with personal issues.

A common theme among companies that successfully ‘re-enlist’ their workforce is

giving team members hope and ‘ownership’ in the future. Employees are equipped

to succeed and improve their performance in an environment where shared plans,

priorities, values, and methods are clearly communicated so that voluntary ‘alignment’

and teamwork flourishes. Yet even in such well-led workplaces, aggravating exceptions

and the derailing influence of sinful behavior frequently intrudes! What are we to do?

As with most business problems, solutions begin with sound leadership.

We and our key managers must have a shared vision for the workplace if we're to operate in a manner that honors our Lord, equips employees to succeed, and encourages them

toward healthy personal relationships in and out of the workplace. Before going to

the cross, Jesus told His disciples: “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do

not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be

afraid” (Jn 14:27). By sharing with our employees what Christ came to give us, we can

provide living water to our stakeholders. This includes equipping employees with basic

skills (e.g., decision-making, conflict resolution, understanding the numbers, driving

improvement against key metrics, learning to steward our gifts, family and marriage,

health and fitness).

Today’s focus is on resolving conflict according to timeless Biblical wisdom.

Unfortunately, by seeking our own daily comfort, we often fail to address

‘uncomfortable’ conflict. The result is a workplace full of tension, simmering

compromises, frayed or broken relationships, hurting people accustomed to stuffing

their frustrations, and an overall uneasy equilibrium that feels hard-edged and

untrustworthy to many. Does this description seem harsh? Let’s compare our

workplaces to the cultures we see among professional sports franchises:

• Team First Some teams commit to their culture and work to develop players to play a specific brand of team ball. When an athlete becomes ‘too big’ to submit to the good of the team, they’re quickly traded – in spite of their skills – in returnfor talent that will adopt the team’s approach. We marvel at this model when we periodically see ‘small market’ teams with ‘no-name’ players become champions.

• Me First Other teams – especially in major media markets – skip the development process by acquiring individual stars and cajoling them to play as a team based on mutual self-interest. This approach is often driven by owners with egos as large as those of the celebrities they acquire. Although this can produce championships, competing personal agendas often derail these high-payroll teams from satisfying expectations.
  

Which of these cultures does your company most resemble? Is your workplace one

where employees are encouraged toward team performance and serving others, or do

you have expert ‘prima donnas’ that others must work around? Perhaps your company

is an uneasy blend of both. If the pro sports analogy doesn’t connect, imagine using

an anonymous survey to have employees define your prevailing workplace culture by

selecting the working environment your company most mirrors from the following:

• Polite, but superficial; we talk about ‘the best way,’ but are usually willing to settle for ‘good enough.’ People are frustrated, but it’s not worth upsetting the applecart since things aren’t ‘broken.’

• Tense and pressured, with everyone walking on eggshells, since the stakes are high,times are tough, and the boss seems ready to snap. We can’t risk laying anything else on him.

• Dog-eat-dog, full of game-playing, dysfunction, and compromise. If the boss knew the truth about what really happens, he’d be shocked and finally take action!

• Home: real, authentic, hopeful, trusting, and safe for those working to contribute.
  

We have our challenges, but this is a great place to grow and flourish!

Are you ready to take this test and deal with what you find? As leaders who desire to

abide in Christ, we shouldn’t let His peace end with us. We’re called to much more. So,

how about your workplace? Do you exalt the individual or exalt the Savior? Let’s stop

for a few minutes and discuss what we’ve covered thus far related to our companies.

The Crucible of Workplace Conflict

In a perfect world we wouldn’t have conflict in business. But in our fallen world, sin and

selfishness darken all relationships. The marketplace often plays by a different set of

rules than we should as Christians. The world celebrates the Leadership Secrets of Attila

the Hun, the boastful exploits of Donald Trump, and winning through intimidation,

self-esteem, and putting ourselves first. Meanwhile, we are commanded to only “boast

in the Lord” (Jer 9:23-24, 1Cor 1:31, 2Cor 10:17) and to “speak the truth in love” (Eph

4:15). The world values winning; our Leader values serving. Conflict is inevitable.

Disagreement, confusion, misinterpreting others’ intentions, and being wronged by

others are all part of our relational reality as marketplace Christians. Although we

might minimize conflict by living as uprightly and lovingly as possible, we can’t escape it.

Conflict will find us just as it often found Jesus… and He was perfect!

Operating in a fallen world is a mixed blessing. First, the bad news. No matter how

sincerely we try, conflict will come, and only maladjusted sociopaths enjoy conflict. The

good news is that genuine Christianity is most clearly demonstrated during conflict.

Think about it. Showing loving kindness when everything’s going our way has little

impact on the world, as even unbelievers are generally kind toward those who are kind

to them. It’s during conflict and trial that turning the other cheek, bearing patiently

with each other, or going the second mile is possible. We can only bear other’s burdens

when they have them, and we can only forgive those who have wronged us. As we deal

with the trials, challenges, and opportunities arising from conflict, we necessarily lean

on our Lord and sharpen our walk and witness.

Leadership is all about modeling and equipping those in our care with the practical tools

needed to navigate successfully. Since trust, solid interpersonal relationships and team

unity are necessary for high performance, let’s spend our remaining time applying a

Biblical perspective to conflict resolution, beginning with the obvious:

1. Conflict is an unavoidable part of our earthly lives. The potential for conflict

always exists in our businesses, homes, churches, and communities. The question

isn’t if we’ll experience conflict, but what to do when it rears its head. Christians

living with the false hope that a ‘holy’ life will be conflict-free will only feel

frustration and condemnation when this flawed hope is regularly dashed. Give it

up! This isn’t God’s plan. Our hope is Christ in us! God’s greatest servants have

all proven themselves in the crucible of conflict. As Jesus demonstrated, healthy

confrontations are pivotal teaching times. As leaders of God’s businesses, we

need a realistic view of conflict.

2. In conflicts involving Christians, the greatest responsibility for seeking resolution

lies with the most mature believer. Greater spiritual maturity carries the

greater burden for peacemaking. Thus, in conflicts between believers and nonbelievers, responsibility lies mostly with the believer, since non-believers – by

definition – possess no spiritual maturity. In conflicts between believers, the

more mature believer should display the obedience and humility needed to

initiate reconciliation. Obviously, both parties have responsibility, but one is more

accountable before God for exercising healthy spiritual discipline.

3. When we become aware of an offense, we’re responsible for taking action

to resolve it, even when we’re ‘innocent’. Scripture says that if we’re on our

way to church and realize that we have unresolved conflict with another, we

should resolve it before offering our worship to God (Mt 5:23). Notice that this

doesn’t say we should seek reconciliation only if we’re guilty of a transgression.

Jesus simply said that we should promptly resolve things. He also said that

peacemakers are blessed and will be called children of God (Mt 5:9).

4. Conflict would be infinitely more difficult to address if God’s Word hadn’t

provided clear direction. God provides wise alternatives to the world’s way of

doing things. Consider these two commands:

--- Bless and pray for those who curse or mistreat you (Lk 6:28). Our first step in resolving conflict is to pray for, not just about, the other party. We begin

releasing the anger and malice in our hearts as we pray. This isn’t easy, or

satisfying to our flesh, but it’s an essential first step. For a godly outcome, we

need a godly foundation. Obeying Christ by praying for our enemies enlists

God’s power to address our problem. Often, while we pray for the other party,

God reveals our contribution to the conflict. Resolution begins right there! The

truth is that few disputes are totally one-sided. Peacemakers who truly desire

the eternal best for the other party will find it possible to go more than half-way

to begin the reconciliation process. By praying for the other party and asking

God to show us our responsibility, we begin the process on solid footing.

---Remember, “A gentle answer turns away wrath” (Pr 15:1). Responding with

defensive or aggressive words seldom leads to a solution or relationship likely

to produce one. Perhaps the hardest lesson for us to learn is to measure our

response, hold our tongue, and absorb rather than retaliate. Our sinful nature

reflexively wants to strike back, but Jesus, “When they hurled their insults at

Him, He did not retaliate; when He suffered, He made no threats. Instead,

He entrusted Himself to Him who judges justly” (1Pe 2:23). Our Lord didn’t

retaliate. When we respond to conflict, we help to set the stage for resolution

by responding gently but purposefully. “Gently” isn’t incompatible with firmly.

We also shouldn’t presume full responsibility for correcting the dispute, as

resolution isn’t always possible. We simply need to respond in a tone that

seeks peace. For example: “Tom, I’m sorry that this situation is so troubling

to you, can you please tell me more about your feelings and how I may have contributed to our issue?” Applying the Golden Rule (Mt 7:12) – treating others as we’d like to be treated – is a great basis for framing a response. One of the most powerful conflict resolution methods is found in Matthew 18:15-17, where Jesus provides a pattern for resolving disputes within the church. Given the importance God places on unity within the Body of Christ, it makes sense that He would give us a powerful tool to resolve differences among His children.

As with most godly principles, it’s also no surprise that it applies well in other settings.

We’ve seen the power of this Biblical wisdom demonstrated hundreds of times over

the past 20+ years in situations ranging from partnership conflicts, to debt collection,

to wounds caused by careless words. Let’s review Jesus’ teaching:

“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two

of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not

listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by

the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to

the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a

pagan or a tax collector.”

Although this passage refers to “your brother,” it’s also practical when used with

unbelievers. For example, assume a customer refuses to pay you. A reconciliation

scenario might unfold like this:

-- First, we spend time praying for (not about) this customer and ask God to reveal

any fault on our part. If He does, we prepare to make things right.

-- Second, we go to see the person – not write, email, or call – given the urgent

sense of Matthew 5:23. We might begin with, “Was there something wrong with

our service that’s preventing you from paying your bill?” This gentle approach

gives them an opportunity to tell us if there actually is a problem. If there is,

we simply ask what we must do to fix it and receive payment. Often the matter

settles at this point, with modest corrective action.

-- If not, and if we have no fault or anything more to offer, and payment is truly due,

we consider next steps. If the customer is able, but refuses to pay, we might say:

“You know, Mr. Customer, we’re Christians and try to live according to Biblical

teaching. Jesus says that if we have conflict with others, we’re to go to them

privately, as we’ve done today, to settle the matter. Since it seems that we’re

unable to settle it between us, we must now follow His teaching that says the

next step is to return with two or three witnesses, seeking again to make this

right, and allowing you to share your position again in front of them. If you

make it right at that point the matter between us will be settled. But if you

still refuse to honor your obligation, we’ll take the witnesses and the matter to

[insert whatever authority the person may feel accountability to or whose good

opinion matters to them. This may be a licensing agency, professional or trade

association, Better Business Bureau, or Chamber of Commerce] and repeat it

to them, again seeking to make things right between us.


We truly hope these further steps won’t be necessary and that you’ll make it right today. If you still refuse after these steps, we’ll consider our other available legal alternatives.”

Typically, the pressure to work out the conflict becomes so strong that it’s rarely

necessary to go beyond the first visit. In applying this principle over 20+ years

– including cases of unpaid commissions, church disputes, and personal slander –

we’re unaware of a single case where the third step has been necessary. It’s

easy to see why. If a person is in the wrong, they don’t want others to know

about it. As long as they can keep things impersonal through customary letterwriting or phone-tag games, they face an internal tug-of-war between their  pride and conscience. But when it begins to look like their sin may be brought  into the light, they’re motivated to avoid exposure. A key to this approach is going in person, since face-to-face communication is by far the most effective method. Many of us don’t resolve conflicts simply because we’re unwilling to engage personally. We’d rather complain about how unreasonable others are.

This leads us to our final point.

As leaders, we can support and enable conflict resolution in our organizations

by not intervening on behalf of others before they’ve followed the basic

conflict resolution steps. We must avoid allowing others to ‘upward delegate’

their issues to us by asking them, “Have you gone to [name] and told them

of your concern?” If they say no, we might respond, “I’m sorry, but until you

follow our conflict resolution steps, I can’t help you. Go to [name], explain your

concerns, and engage them to help you work it out. If the two of you can’t

resolve things, find another person to go along with us and I’ll help you apply

Matthew 18:15-17.” Adopting this approach would drive a marked decrease in

people ‘bending our ears’ with excuses and gossip about other stakeholders.

Complaining to those who aren’t directly involved or in a position to know the

facts is an avoidable culture, productivity, and ministry killer!

No method will perfectly handle all situations. Some people and circumstances

won’t respond to the simple steps we’ve outlined here. But by doing these few

things – praying for those we have conflict with, going to them in person with a

gentle answer, and applying Biblical wisdom as we seek peace – not only will conflicts

be more easily resolved; our actions will point to the truth and efficacy of God’s ways.

Businesses, like churches and families, will experience conflict. Our leadership and

ministry is greatly enhanced when we address conflict Biblically and encourage

others to do so as well!

For more information on dealing with conflict resolution in the workplace, contact Tom Jordan.